An Unexpected Turn

As you may
have noticed, life has the tendency to surprise us with unexpected twists and
turns. I had another one of those last
autumn when I was about to roll up my sleeves and dig into the 3rd semester
of the doctorate signifying the start the second module of the study programme.

It was
August 2012 and the contract for another study year was signed and posted. I
was determined to go ahead. ‘Ahead’ is a good word in this connection, because
it was only my head wanting this. In
late august I sat down with my laptop to start working on the next piece to be written. My
mind was already at work but my hands and arms would not lift. I froze
discovering that my body would not respond to my mental urge to study. I slowly
realized that I had no strength left. I was exhausted… from the constant study pressure,
from my father’s illness and recovery, and from a multitude of other challenging life
circumstances. I had no alternative but
to take a break and take time off from studying!

The autumn
felt like it moved slowly and quickly at the same time. It felt mildly
uncomfortable not being part of the group I had been for two years knowing they
would proceed with their projects and I could’nt. During the long winter evenings I sought
mostly other sources of inspiration than the academic to help myself. Music has always
been a universe of relief and recovery for me, and I deeply thank the musicians
and artist that have created and performed songs and music for me to sink into
whenever I need. An integrated part of recovering for me has been to sing and
find ways to express my emotions through singing. This is a continuous and
ongoing journey which slowly is developing. Singing challenges in a good way as well as it heals.

We’re now
in mid March 2013 and in the last few weeks, a renewed interest and curiosity
has emerged linked to my future research. I have even had flashes of feeling
that I miss studying. It feels a bit weird when I see myself writing this
considering how exhausted I’ve been, but it’s true, I miss digging deeper into
the topic that fascinates me and I miss the joyful feeling that accompanies having
new insights and making discoveries.

So here we
go… I
look so much forward to visiting London again this summer, connecting with my
peers again and jumping on the DPsych train with destination: Dissertation 2015.

Enjoy your Easter
Holiday.

To be
continued..